2: One light goes out, they all go out! Eleven - the eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: tv critic: Stale tv specials, 10: "Batteries not included 9: no parking spaces, 8: i gotta go to the bathroom! 6: (sobbing) She's a witch! Chorus: f i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s, 4: Oh, i don't even know half these people! 3: Oh, who's got the toilet paper? 2: Get a flashlight! I blew a fuse! Twelve - the twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: A few guys: Singing Christmas Carols, 11: Stale tv specials, 10: "Batteries not included 9: no parking?
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Chorus: And finding a christmas tree. Eight - the eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: loud kid: i wanna transformer for christmas! 7: Charities 6: And what do you mean, "your in-laws"?!? Chorus: f i v e m essay o n t h s of b i l l s, 4: Oh, making out these cards, 3: Edith, plantation get me a beer, huh? We have no extension cords?!? nine - the ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Another frustrated man: no parking spaces, 8: daddy, i want some candy! 6: Facing my in-laws, Chorus: f i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s, 4: Writing out those Christmas cards, 3: Hangovers, 2: Now why the hell are they blinking?!? Ten - the tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: toy-commercial voice: "Batteries not included 9: no parking spaces, 8: buy me somethin'! 7: Get a job, ya bum! 6: (sobbing) Oh, facing my in-laws, Chorus: f i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s, 4: yo, ho! Sending Christmas cards, 3: Oh, jeez, look at this!
two - the second thing at Christmas that's paper such a pain to me is my husband: Rigging up the lights, Chorus: And finding a christmas tree. Three - the third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Inebriated man: Hangovers, 2: Rigging up the lights, Chorus: And finding a christmas tree. Four - the fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Frustrated man: Sending Christmas cards, 3: Hangovers, 2: Rigging up the lights, Chorus: And finding a christmas tree. Five - the fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Chorus: f i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s, 4: Sending Christmas cards, 3: Hangovers, 2: Rigging up the lights, Chorus: And finding. Six - the sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Frustrated wife: Facing my in-laws, Chorus: f i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s, 4: Oh, i hate those Christmas cards, 3: Hangovers,. seven - the seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Angry man: The salvation Army, 6: Facing my in-laws, Chorus: f i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s, 4: Sending Christmas cards,. 2: I'm trying to rig up these lights!
God isn't deaf." to which the little brother replied, "no, but Gramma is!" Christmas Fireman In a small southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating. One small feature bothered. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. . Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, i left. At a "Quick Stop" on the edge of town, i asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "you damn Yankees never do read the bible!" i assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said "see, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar. The 12 Nights of Christmas; for the Scrooge in Thee submitted by Ed Contreras liz rodriguez chorus: The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me Is one: Finding a christmas tree.
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Do you know Santa's True profession? Submitted by ksmith Consider the following:. You never actually see santa, only his "assistants.". Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire. Santa doesn't really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers to do all his work for him, but he's the one who everybody credits with the work. Santa doesn't work anywhere near a 40 hour week.
Santa essays travels a lot. Santa is obviously a senior faculty member with tenure! At Grandma's - written by tab Nettleton Submitted by m member Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. . At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "i pray foew bicycle. I pray foew nintendo. I pray foew vcr." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting essay your prayers?
In a stationery store: "For the man who has everything. A calendar to remind him when payments are due.". Santa Stats, from m, there are currently 78 people named. Claus living in the. and one Kriss Kringle.
(you gotta wonder about that one kid's parents). December is the most popular month for nose jobs. Weight of Santa's sleigh loaded with one beanie baby for every kid on earth: 333,333 tons. Number of reindeer required to pull a 333,333-ton s sleigh: 214,206 - plus Rudolph. Average wage of a mall Santa: 11 an hour. With real beard:. To deliver his gifts in one night, santa would have to make 822.6 visits per second, sleighing at 3,000 times the speed of sound. At that speed, santa and his reindeer would burst into flame instantaneously.
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Signs of Christmas everywhere, submitted by l jon, toy store: "ho, ho, ho spoken here.". Bridal boutique: "Marry Christmas. outside a church: "The original Christmas Club.". At a department store: "Big pre-Christmas sale. Come in and mangle with the crowd.". A texas jewelry store: "Diamond tiaras - 70,000. A reducing salon: "24 Shaping days until assignment thesis Christmas.".
Santa, in a deepened voice, explained to her how there would be no presents Christmas morning to children who fought with their sisters. He would be watching, and he expected things to be better from now. Sarah, now even more wide eyed, solemnly nodded to each of Santa's remarks and silently hung the phone up when he was done. After a long moment, mom (holding in her chuckles at being so clever) asked, "What did Santa say to you, dear?". In almost a whisper, sarah sadly but matter-of-factly stated, "Santa said he won't be bringing toys to my sister this year.". A christmas, gift, a guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond warehouse ring for Christmas. After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles." "She did he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake jeep?".
advantage of her newfound interest in Santa Claus, reminded the two-year-old that Santa was watching and doesn't like it when children fight. This had little impact. "I'll just have to tell Santa about your misbehavior the mother said as she picked up the phone and dialed. Sarah's eyes grew big as her mother asked "Mrs. Claus" (really sarah's aunt; Santa's real line was busy) if she could put Santa on the line. Sarah's mouth dropped open as Mom described to santa (Sarah's uncle) how the two-year-old was acting. But, when Mom said that Santa wanted to talk to her, she reluctantly took the phone.
"It represents a candle he said. "you may pass through summary the pearly gates saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." saint Peter said, "you may pass through the pearly gates.". The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's glasses. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?". The man replied, "They're carol's.
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Christmas jokes, when you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas. I told Santa you were good this. He hasn't stopped laughing since! Entering, heaven, three men died on Christmas eve and were met by saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into friend heaven.". The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked.